what did public transportation waiting areas look like 20 years ago, 30 years ago, 50 years ago. Before "Phones" I Mean. i spent a lot of time in public transportation waiting areas today and i spent a lot of that time observing how most people were on phones. i know we had other rectangles before this — static, printed rectangles. even squares that people filled in with letters sometimes. but sometimes i sit in public and look around and think "am i the only person looking around and thinking right now?"

when a group of people are waiting for public transportation together, it is less likely but still not unlikely that these people will be on their phones.

having all these Phones But Too Much thoughts feels incredibly basic but also like i think there's phones but too much. the thing that's incredibly basic is trying to defend it like with that one comic where everyone is texting a loved one or whatever. bullshit, my unqualified counterclaim is that at least 50% of people are scrolling through toxic social media. personally i will smile and laugh due to messages i get on my phone and i did not see one single person smiling or laughing at something on their phone so, idk, seems strange.

what do i do on my phone in public? i've never answered this question for myself before. the answer is "messages" and "look stuff up" (map, thing i saw, thing that someone else mentioned, maybe thing that popped into my head). it's great to simply not have social media as an option. i could look at my RSS reader, and i have during some idle times, but something i hadn't considered formalizing is what if i: don't. i didn't when i was out today! what if that's just an "at home" activity instead. that seems like a good idea, i'm formalizing that for myself now 👍

i called these saturday thoughts because the day is saturday but it seems like these are all phones [sic] thoughts so far.

do you ever feel a wave of sleepy sneak up and crash down on you? this just happened to me!!! i love to be excited to get into bed before 9 pm and read a book until lights out these days.

last night i said this (friday thought) and then i watched a youtube video on my phone instead. very annoying get it together 🙄

among the many phases and eras i have started this year… i was not calling it this until now but i am in my discontinuation era. this is where i discontinue things and the things specifically are the mood-altering drugs that i put in my body. it started a few weeks ago when i woke up one day after several months of having "a skosh of weed" nearly every single day and felt at a very deep level that actually i did not want weed anymore. not as an intention that i had to set and struggle toward, but as an impulse that vanished. and now i have also replaced coffee with tea, and i have been off my antidepressants for a week, and it seems fine. it actually seems fine!

at any given mundane moment i might find myself with the thought "maybe this is all my life will ever be" and i think the followup is always "i'm ok with that" but that seems awfully suspicious now that i type it out.

there are a bunch of things that i had very sketchily planned on getting done today that i did not get done. i made no promises to anyone and yet i am a little sorry for this. not annoying but also i must believe i can do better.