waking up just after 3 am with perfect clarity about how to do something i fumbled in the past sure is a feeling of all time.

the "pleasant" aspect of this feeling is when you sleep on something and you gain access to a perspective that you're consequently able to act from. this is the "unpleasant" aspect: it had consequence in the moment but is utterly inconsequential now, i can't go back and save face about it, it was so particular to the situation i can't apply it to "future learnings"—

is that last part true? surely there is a lesson to generalize and metabolize beyond the situation... but i probably have to sleep on it to find out.....

been feeling very lateralized lately

not to be dramatic but i believe i am in the midst of a process of transformation

attempting to make a packing list. flabbergasted that i need to pack at least 6 shirts for a week-long trip. that's so many shirts. where am i supposed to get that many shirts

edit: why do i have to bring so many SOCKS

eye contact

"reminding" but like in the "rewilding" sense

chump cut

i am this close [my fingers are a regular amount of space apart] to getting into the art of memory as a hobby

"bestie" is short for "best of friends"

update on my destiny: my determination dissolved fully in the wake of my habit and desire to curl up and be on one side, then just before sleep, to roll to the other. how could back sleeping ever feel as good? a question to cover my cowardice and lack of discipline toward laying with the uncomfortable mystery