i should get one of those robes people put on after a shower. i realize they have a name but it's fun to call it a robe to put on after a shower. because that's what i'd use it for.

mostly a note to say i am alive. life is changing. i noticed that i haven't written in my journal in over a month. i may have fallen out of touch with myself over the past several weeks. i may habitually get like this around fall, which is funny because i also like to think that fall is my "favorite season".

some things i do for love / some things i do for money / it ain't like i don't want it / it ain't like i'm above it. about two and a half months ago, i quit my old job in order to take a new job which is very much like my old job, but with more responsibility and much more pay. with my sign-on bonus, i bought one semimodular synth, and then i bought another, and now i think i'm good on synths for a while. i have been sometimes recording and putting jams here: https://stash.distant.homes/jams/

for as much as things are changing, my struggles remain obstinately the same. skill issue. i am certain that what i need is very simple. i have yet to get out of my own way.

time is passing

the strange pleasantness of living alone and leaving the radio on in another room

bought some "easy pants" today and after putting them on it really made me wonder why have we been making pants so difficult

my most piscean trait is my need to coregulate with large bodies of water

waking up just after 3 am with perfect clarity about how to do something i fumbled in the past sure is a feeling of all time.

the "pleasant" aspect of this feeling is when you sleep on something and you gain access to a perspective that you're consequently able to act from. this is the "unpleasant" aspect: it had consequence in the moment but is utterly inconsequential now, i can't go back and save face about it, it was so particular to the situation i can't apply it to "future learnings"—

is that last part true? surely there is a lesson to generalize and metabolize beyond the situation... but i probably have to sleep on it to find out.....

been feeling very lateralized lately

not to be dramatic but i believe i am in the midst of a process of transformation

attempting to make a packing list. flabbergasted that i need to pack at least 6 shirts for a week-long trip. that's so many shirts. where am i supposed to get that many shirts

edit: why do i have to bring so many SOCKS